Just Be Yourself

In a world of trying to be like everyone else it is very hard to just be yourself. We have masks that we like to wear around certain people so that we can blend in, so that we can fit. So that we can appear similar to them. To be different is too scary; we might not be accepted.

Yep, that's the world I lived in for far too many years. I wanted to be accepted by the "in" crowd. Unfortunately, the "in" crowd was never the same in every place I went. I can't even count how many masks I kept handy because I didn't always know what they were going to look like. It could be disastrous if I were to put on the wrong mask, ya know? It was important to be ready!

School was a very hard time for me. Especially junior high and high school. "Groups" had already been formed and you were either in one or you were not. You were either in the "in" crowd or you were among the "out" crowd. Sometimes those groups were based on how much money your family had as well as how much money they didn't have. Those who had so much more than I did growing up, seemed to appeal to me. So, I struggled a lot during those early years for that reason. I grew up with less. Sometimes it was a lot less and sometimes it was just less. (It depended on how a person viewed what was considered less.) I never actually broke free from that bondage of trying to fit in while in school. Unfortunately, I stayed chained to the desire of fitting in.

I thought going to a christian school would be easier, and quite honestly, it just wasn't. We still struggled with the same issues that public school struggled with. Well, not all of the same issues as of today, but the same issues as of 35 years ago. (I only spent 2 years in a private christian school but it sure felt like so much longer!) We were still faced with the challenge of just being ourselves.  We had to face living up to other people's  expectations of who they thought we should be. That was extremely difficult.  More difficult than what public school expected.

And then church. The place that fitting in should not matter because everyone should fit. Yeah, I wore a mask there, too. Only I didn't really know I was. Anytime you feel like you have to be someone that you are not involves wearing a mask. I knew that God had shown me things and I wanted to share them. It wasn't necessarily His will for me to do that, it was just something that I wanted to do. I struggled with the desire to be a part of the "in" crowd (those who had some knowledge and a bit of holiness as well as those that others just wanted to be around) even at church. I didn't know how to be me. I didn't know that perhaps God had made me different for a reason. I wasn't being punished.

It's pretty obvious that I didn't think much of myself. I spent more time wanting to be like others that I never really knew how to be me. I never embraced the idea that I was supposed to be different. At least not until this particular time in my life. Now, I look back with sadness thinking of all the time I wasted. If I could have just had the courage to be myself there's no telling what could have happened! But, God knew I would waste that time. He also knew that I would learn from that time. That's where my concentration lies today. I choose to learn from it!

Being aware of the difference of yourself instead of being like someone else takes courage. It's not an easy path (or is that just the case for me?) but a very necessary path. Being who God made us to be is not going to look like who God made "so-and-so" to be. They are unique and so are we.  We tend to spend more time short-changing who we are in Christ and praising who so-and-so is in Christ. Isn't that like telling God He made a mistake with us?  That is kind of an "ouch" for me.

God has a plan for each of our lives as individuals. That should bring us courage to be ourselves. That kind of courage can only come from God. We just need to ask Him for it...

Jeremiah 29:11 > "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV) 

In awe of Him,
~ Vonda