Courage to Continue

Isaiah 43:18-19> "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." (ESV)

It is so easy to get caught up in looking at what-used-to-be. (Especially if it was easier.) I have spent more time looking back than I truly care to admit. Oh, I knew those days were gone. And I knew they were not going to return. I knew that I needed to hold the really good ones close to my heart and let go of the bad ones.  Yet, knowing all of that did not keep me from returning to those memories. Before my marriage ever began I had the white-picket-fence mentality. I didn't necessarily expect the fence to be white, I just expected only good stuff inside that fence. (What was I thinking? Who told me such lies?) 

In the beginning, like most marriages, things were heavenly. Not problem-free, just really nice. Of course, the problems during the early years are usually not as big as the later years. We did go through some very rough patches (like not liking each other at all!) but somehow they didn't seem to be in comparison to the MAJOR change our way of life was going to go through.  What we had become accustomed to was about to change. Boy, was it going to hurt!

My husband had made a good living for our family of four. I had been able to be a house-wife for a majority of our marriage. Sacrifices were made, but it wasn't always difficult.  However, an opportunity to work with children came available so I took it. And then a few short years later "change" came. He was injured at work. Life as we knew it was not ever going to be the same. I was going to spend the next ten years looking back to what-used-to-be and not have courage to move forward, to continue on.

The next 10 years were very hard. Not just physically but emotionally as well. Things were not the same and I didn't know how to push forward. My spiritual life had never been truly alive with vigor(at least not since my early teen age years)  so leaning on it, depending on it,  was not even a thought. Looking back became a way of life. My husband was doing that very same thing, too. Neither of us knew how to handle this new life. The one thing we had the most in common during this time was reminiscing on the past. Part of that problem was we chose what we wanted to reminisce on. Even when our way of life seemed to be going okay we still had some rough experiences, too. We just chose not to remember those!

It has been 19 years since that particular change took place. It has been a journey! Through the journey God has shown me so much.  He has shown a faithfulness even when I wasn't. He held my hand and walked beside me all the way. The Almighty has given me courage to continue forward. I can only imagine what He has in store for the future.

This new change has developed a new way of life, a new way of living. Neither of us, my husband nor myself,  can get up in the mornings without relying on God for whatever He has in store. We have been tremendously blessed in so many ways. For me, my relationship with the Almighty has become alive! I can no longer open His Word without it truly breathing life into me. His love is never ending, His compassion fails not. For my husband, well, I can tell you what I see! He is new, his faith has become stronger, his desire for God has become awakened. Our lives are not so much about ourselves anymore, but about God.

Please don't misunderstand, we are not always successful with this. Some days are very challenging! With those days we fight (and I do mean FIGHT!!) even harder. God still gives His grace and mercy even though we may fail. 

Just when I was ready to throw in the towel, to wave the white flag of surrender, I was given a precious gift... the gift of courage to continue.

In awe of Him,
~ Vonda