Courage To Stay

Odd title, isn't it? I thought so too, at first. But it soon changed...

Work was becoming somewhat, well, let's just say challenging. It felt like more of a struggle to even go. "Lord, what is going on with all of this? Why is it such a challenge?" Somewhere along the way, I had believed that it certainly wasn't me with the problem. It could only mean that it was time for me to go. My time was up. God must surely be telling me to look for an open door.  The problem was I wasn't looking for an open-door; I was trying to create one!

I've always been a dedicated employee. I made sure I was completely ready for work at 8:00 a.m. I would stay well past 5:00 p.m. to make sure the daily work was completed, filed, and put away. I don't say it in a boastful way, it is just my nature. I am a person of order. Well, I used to be.  I love to have order but that seems to be slipping past. (Is it because I'm 50 "something"?)

I am still able to get to work before time and be ready for the day. I don't feel rushed or chaotic when the first customer walks through the door or perhaps calls on the phone. I feel more "graceful".  Their needs are easier to meet when I've had time to prepare.

I guess it was about 3 years ago when I really noticed that things were beginning to change. Work was becoming more challenging.  I was no longer able to shove 12 hours worth of work into only 8 hours. I was failing miserably. Not only was I failing physically, I was also failing mentally.  Even my spiritual life was failing, as well. I didn't like who I was becoming. I had begun telling the Lord how unhappy I was. (Yes, I knew that God had not promised happiness, He'd promised joy. I was just hoping that He'd reconsider that!) Boy was Satan enjoying himself with me. I was down and he wanted to take me out!

I began to mentally entertain the thoughts of a new job, new employment. My heart started feeling lighter. I kept hoping beyond hope that the "answer" would walk through our doors. When you start hoping for something that is easier, suddenly things seem to become a little more bearable.  I was hoping in the wrong thing. I kept watching for an open-door. I mean really  watching!

It wasn't until tonight that I received my open-door answer. Only it didn't come like I thought it would. And it didn't say what I thought it would say. Shoot, I didn't even get to walk through it!
As the door slowly opened, I eagerly waited. I was expecting a big gift from the Lord. With eyebrows raised and a big grin on my face I anticipated a grand answer! And there it was.....

1 Corinthians 7:20> "Each person should remain in the life situation in which he was called." (HCSB

Wow...I was where I was supposed to be. Yes, things are more challenging than before. Yes, I still have a lot of work to do and less time to do it in. But more importantly, God has not changed. He is still the same. He still offers strength. I had just quit asking.

Sometimes it really does take courage to stay where you are and to simply trust that God really does know what He's doing.

In awe of Him,
~Vonda