Courage To Accept Forgiveness

Forgiveness. It's such a beautiful word and yet it can be so difficult to accept.

There are times that receiving forgiveness can be somewhat easy. I just KNOW that Jesus died for that sin (because He died for ALL of them!) and I feel joyful. But there are times that, even though I know He died for all sin, I just can't seem to grab hold of His forgiveness. It certainly isn't because I don't think He's offering it, but it's because I truly don't deserve it. Those moments are real hard.
It's in those moments that I won't allow God to forgive me. (I know, right? As if I had control over Him!)

I had allowed something to throw me for a loop. A simple something, too. It had become a distraction that I allowed to boil. At first, it was just an aggravation. Then I kept thinking about  it. Before I knew it I had given it a home in my heart. (Thank goodness it was a temporary home!) I was saying things that was certainly not glorifying the Lord! I could just visualize Him saying: "Oh my! She's not mine!! I didn't shed My blood for that!"

The weight of what I had allowed became too heavy. I had allowed it. I had entertained it. I even gave it a home. I didn't deserve God's forgiveness and I couldn't allow Him to use His blood for it.
I needed to continue to be unforgivable as a penance. I felt as if I needed to pay for my sin.  After all, it was my fault.

Hebrews 9:24b,28a > " He [Christ] entered into heaven itself to appear now before God on our behalf.  Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people."

As tears flowed down my face I realized then that I don't get to pick and choose what Jesus' blood was shed for. It was not my decision to make, it had already been decided. No, I don't deserve His forgiveness. But He's offering it anyway.  Repentance came easily.

It takes courage to lay down the shackles that we've given to ourselves. It takes courage to look up and accept His forgiveness as a gift. We don't have to live in bondage even though the sin was of our own doing. Jesus is in heaven appearing before God ... on our behalf.

In awe of Him,
~ Vonda