Courage To Be A Coward

To be called a coward was a huge blow to any one's ego. It would bring on fights, loss of friendships, and even bitterness. Most of the time it would leave the person feeling humiliated and degraded. Those feelings were strong, no matter what age you were... or, are.

I was in no way a perfect child! Far, far from it! However, at times I wanted to be a whole lot worse than I was. I just didn't have the courage. Boy, did I feel the sting of it, too. I would look at my peers and see them take chances that they never should have taken. I saw them as having courage to do it. As for me, I found myself standing on the side lines wishing I had that kind of courage. Instead, I was a coward.

When I was in elementary school I remember being intrigued with the motorcycle gang "Hell's Angels".  They seemed to do what they wanted and even went where they wanted to go. They had courage!! Great big courage, too! Now, of course today I know that my views of them were distorted, big time. But as a child who was shy and scared to step out, I saw them as being the epitome of real courage. I wanted that kind of courage so desperately.

As I grew older, the idea of what courage meant began to change. I saw it a little differently. Instead of seeing myself as missing out on things, I started seeing myself as one who still experienced things, just in a distinctive way. God had a plan all along for me. The courage it took to be a coward was from Him. Only, He didn't view it as being a coward; I did.

John 14:27 > "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled. neither let them be afraid." (ESV)

Today I view the word "coward" with a smile. When I'm afraid to step out because of the fear of being called one, it doesn't get under my skin like it used to.  I kinda like it... I really like being able to have the courage to be called a coward. That courage comes from God and Him alone!

In awe of Him,
~Vonda